blitz!

I'M DONE WITH HIGH SCHOOL.
i'm done with you sweaty hallways.
i'm done with you close-mided squares.
i'm done with high school.



i have no right to go to prom tomorrow.
kids like me don't have prom movies made
about them.
except like, well
pretty in pink, or
ten things i hate about you, or
movies like that.
where the girl has a date
and goes through some major emotional/internal change
for/with that date.
do they make movies about girls that go "stag"?
a.
l.
o.
n.
e.
?.
i haven't seen them.

my mind is racing,
saying "you wanted to do the prom thing,
but you're doing it wrong!"
i'm not getting my hair done.
or my nails done.
or a spray tan (despite the obvious t-shirt tan).
i don't have a matching purse
or shoes
or jacket/shawl
for her to wear tomorrow night.

i don't care about those things.
i hate them.
other girls care about them.
and i cannot be other girls.
because i am an "other" girl.

and some girls who i sort of hang around,
who i don't like that much
but they accept me,
are doing the prom thing.
they're renting a limo
and buying dresses
and getting manicures
and meeting up before prom to do each other's
hair and make-up
and then they're getting in the limo and driving around
and taking pictures.
this is all well and good.
but it makes me feel like,
see, emma, even weird girls do prom up properly.

even corey,
a wonderfully interesting person,
(who i guess i look up to a little)
did prom up right,
with the dress and
the growing her hair out,
and i wouldn't call her conventional
in any sense.
see, emma, even weird girls do up prom proprerly.

so my mind is saying
"what right do you have to go to prom?"
and then it throws its hip out and crosses its arms and sticks out its lower lip as though to ask,
"you wanna fight me on this, girl?"

occasionally my mind wins,
and i slouch away and leave her proudly high fiving her tough, popular friends
with manicured hands.
but sometimes,
like this very moment when i am typing this,
i scream, "hell yeah, i wanna fight!"
and we don't get in to a physical fight
but rather we just stand tall and take turns speaking loudly.


i'm getting a dress.
i have to finish my dress tomorrow morning.
i found the perfect shoes!
ha. maybe tomorrow morning i'll hop on my bike and hit up thrift stores to try find some low heels in a size eleven. (which probably won't be a successful trip.)
i'm doing my hair.
i'm going to shower tonight and sleep on my wet head.
i'm getting a manicure.
i'll wash my hands and scrape the dirt out from under my short, naked nails.
i'm getting my make-up done.
and maybe if i have time tomorrow morning, i'll walk over to walgreens and invest in some new mascara, and cheap red lipstick. which i'll apply in the bathroom of the hotel. that night.


much too bitter.
i hope the music isn't awful.
all i want is to dance.
all i want.

oh yeah, i just remembered footloose. that's a good prom movie. more of a dancing movie. i want prom to be like the end of footloose.