hello, jan.

today, just now, i figured out how to get into my college e-mail account.

yesterday i learned my roommate's name and the dorm we're in.

she has a very wealthy-sounding name.

that's all i have to say about that.

a hello from my new best friend (we'll see)

was waiting for me in the new inbox,

along with about twenty-five other unread messages.

for now, i'm going to call my new roommate jan.

her e-mail read:

Hi! Looks like I'm your new roomie :)

I've been looking around and I think we lucked out with ---- House (besides the long trek to campus each morning). I keep hearing the words "humongous doubles," so I'm pretty psyched.

With the kitchens and all, there doesn't seem to be any need for the who brings the fridge discussion, so I just wanted to say hello!

-Jan

now, i think i'll dissect it.

i'm not a fan of emotocons. i hate them. a lot.

but i have to accept them as a fact of the internet, for many people.

so i forgive her.

i don't know where she got the info about our dorm, but then, i've been pretty far removed from the college thing, believing (naively) "i'll just figure it out when i get there." probably stupid.

i like the reference to the "who brings the fridge discussion." that's funny. cute. okay she has a sense of humor. phew.

dissection finished. there wasn't much there.

so i wrote back did she prefer to be called by the shorter version of her name (because her name isn't really jan, it's longer), which i realized was stupid, because if she preferred it then she would have signed her name that way. idiot. (me, not her.) and i said i was pleased about the "humongous doubles" and the kitchen and i asked her where she is from. i wonder if she's written back yet.

oh god.

she has.

oh.

remember when i said her name sounded rich?

"I've lived in New Jersey my whole life. I went to prep school in NJ the last few years so I stayed there a lot of the time..."

i thought "prep school" was a made-up term.

i don't even know what a prep school actually is.

hey, jan,

i went to a public high school.

we were underfunded and when we had money we spent it on stupid things.

there were more black kids than white kids.

there were as many latino kids as white kids.

i wouldn't really want to spend time alone at night in the neighborhood my school was in.

most of the kids at my school would be considered "middle class." some "upper" and some "lower."

my family is very much middle class.

i am not getting enough financial aid to make paying for college easy.

emma, STOP IT.

suddenly,

you are the far more prejudiced one.

no, no, don't argue.

you're being totally rude and awful to sweet jan.

there is nothing NOTHING wrong or rude or anything with what she has written to you.

sorry, jan, would you please excuse us?

emma just needs to go to the bathroom.

she's feeling fine, we just need to take a break and talk.

no, no, we'll be fine.

i think someone just slipped a little "hater-ade" into her orange soda.

what the hell?

in your first e-mail to jan you wrote "suddenly, as a result of reading this e-mail from you (currently, a stranger), i'm feeling all fluttery. like, gosh, i now have a person to look forward to meeting, as well as a school."

and that was true.

yes, it was.

you two will get along great just stop. all. this. utter. fucking. nonsense.

now can you go back out and talk to jan?

let me see you nod.

good.

when we pass by the drinks, why don't you grab her another orange soda, okay?

see, you guys even share the same favorite kind of pop.

oh she's fine now, jan.

here, we brought you another pop.

you're welcome.

we'll be friends. i'll be nice. i promise. i want friends. i want to be friends with my roommate. i want us to have dorm room dance parties and new york city adventures.

goodnight jan.

i hope you sleep well.

i'll see you in the morning.