i'm going to go watch softball today.

nostalgia is setting in.
or it's like pre-nostalgia.
like, i haven't finished high school
and i just have to check a few things off the
to-do list in the next eight school days.
today i hope to check off "watch girls' softball game".
(not the whole game unfortunately, i have to babysit this evening, and will have to leave early).
i always wanted to play softball.
i never tried out for the team though.
a tiny part of me wishes i was a jock.
well, no.
a large part of me wishes i was more physically capable.
i can't touch my toes.
don't worry, i have toes to touch, so i suppose i'm capable,
just not actually able.
i make decent time around the city
on my bicycle.
i probably couldn't even make the softball team, though.
i'm not bad at softball.
softball and floor hockey were always my favorite sports in gym class. i was always one of the last kids picked, becausei had no friends and didn't appear to be good at sports.
fair enough. i didn't take it hard. i probably wouldn't have picked me either.
but i still remember one time in sophomore year, on the first day of the softball unit,when i got up to bat i hit a double or a single (i wasn't/still am not a good runner)
and one of the athletic girls on my team, standing to the side, remarked,
"dang, emma's good!"
or something of that equivalent.
yes, i thought to myself, i am.
i hit the ball. i got on base. not all of the kids (and certainly not all of the girls)
picked before me had done that.
thanks, dad and brother.
i've always had a baseball glove.
i don't like leather but i'm proud of my baseball glove.
i spend time every summer working on my catching and throwing
with my polar-oppostie jock of a little brother
(who just recently stands two or three full inches taller than me).
if i was on the softball team, i wouldn't even be the weird girl.
i'd be different, sure, but everyone would be.
if i was on the basketball team, i would sitck out like a sore thumb.
but on the softball team, people would just notice that i don't look good in baseball caps.
i'm not on the softball team.
i don't have a team.
i don't have a group.
i don't have a playoff game to win today.
i'm just going to watch and cheer, hopefully for a few innings, before i have to leave and break the illusion of caring about high school.