Saturday, September 24, 2011

new day rising.

in high school, i floated along conversations. i heard about the "drama" other kids had, secondhand, from their friends who were just ranting or telling a funny story. and i was glad to float, glad i didn't haul around people's shit. glad i didn't babble on to third parties about people now to distant too make any sense. but i also wondered that if people were really so fucked up, why didn't they come to me? duh. i clearly possessed the special balance of emotional distance sympathy and patience. i would be great at advice, i thought. also, if no one saw this, saw how perfect and wise i was, then maybe they weren't actually fucked up, maybe they didn't want help, maybe they just wanted to be more angry over something that was really nothing so they went to a friend to get riled up. i don't know. the important part is i had no part of anything remotely considered social "drama" ever. i also didn't have but one maybe two good friends, but that's a different story.
but i realize, now when i am an older version of that self, one that has some friends and a hell of a lot of acquaintances, i am a person people come to for advice. and i am a third party, and i am a good balance of sympathetic and emotionally distanced enough to seem wise. and now everyone seems fucked up. and everyone seems to freak out FOR TOTALLY LEGITIMATE REASONS over somethings that are really nothings. onlysometimesthey'rereallysomethings,iguess. and it's weird because i think more about the fact of the sort-of burden and sort-of obligation i feel to be a listener, which i know is an essential position, than i think about the actual burden of my friend. their problem remains distant from me, and i am more concerned with my rational perspective as a third party, so as to give best advice. does that make any sense?


but all i know is suddenly my life is filled with others people's emotional drama. and i think back to high school when i wanted to be this person who was turned to for advice. and i'm glad i am, because i love these people past their "drama" and want to see them get through it, but i guess i never thought i would be this kind of listener. everything in some kind of due time. i'm certainly better equipped and wiser than i was when i was 16. the same, but more so.

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