to yr skull.

every time the pilot says we are beginning our descent into la guardia airport, my mind jumps straight to:

and now is the moment the bomb goes off. between now, this moment, when we are in mid-air decline, losing altitude like pennies out the our holes in our pocket, and touching down on LGA runway, my airplane is in danger of being hijacked and blown to bits.

this thought always comes upon me as if from nowhere. there are several seconds where i believe it with my whole person. in these situations i become preoccupied with wanting to curl into the lap of the person next to me or wanting to scream and run into the cockpit (where i will then curl into the pilot's lap).

today i managed to push past this initial shock that i am in grave and terrible danger by then imagining the more particular things about the bombing. where would the bomber be sitting on the airplane? (how did he/she/they get a bomb, or the makings of one, past the new-fangled airport security?) were they sitting close enough to me to hear me ask the flight attendant for a diet coke? did they think to him/her/themselves:

diet coke, that's funny, see 'cause when someone orders diet coke they aren't ordering it to enjoy it now. well, yes, she will enjoy it now because it is a cold, bubbly, sweet thing, but so is regular coke. but diet coke, nah man, that's for thinking about the future, about all the calories she didn't ingest and won't have to worry about burning off, about some sort of future gain of rational or feel-good-ish-ness. but MUWAHAHAHA!!! listen to her with her diet coke and her future!!! she has no future.

and then we all die.

and then i start to wonder how i'll die. when the bomb goes off. you know in movies when people are sitting in like cars or planes and a bomb happens the sort of jolt forward? would that happen to me? what would my arms do? would i throw my arms up against the tray table locked in front of me? could they hit the tray table so hard that my forearm bones or hand bones shattered? if i threw my arms up in front of me against the tray table and then lurched my body forward would my head collide with my forearms? could i get a concussion from my head colliding with my forearms? could i break my skull by hitting it against my arms? would my arms break after they hit the tray table and got hit by my head? would this scenario render me lifeless? or would i die of internal bleeding or shock or asphyxiation? if the bomb goes off near me, well, all those fumes i'm sure would knock me senseless instantly, if not kill me flat out.

would the oxygen masks deploy and would i be lucid enough to regard this as irony?

and so for a few moments, we are not only descending into la guardia, but also into complete madness. and then i look out the window again and regard the flaming pink flamingo sunset in the west and the glittering golden blink of the city below.