wake up.

if you live in chicago and you have the means (read: money), go see spring awakening, which opens downtown on tuesday. i saw it in new york last summer and it was a completely amazing show. it's about the sexual awakening of a group of young german kids in the 1890s and the trouble their society's imposed ignorance gets them into.

i'm fond of small, intimate store-front theatre, you know, the kind that are pretty hard up for money these days.

but seeing spring awakening reminded me,

oh big budgets are kind of nice, that was really spectacular.

so yeah,

i won't be seeing it when it comes to chicago

unless some KIND, GIVING, SUGARED-MANGO-SWEET person would like to give me a ticket.

however,

you should go see spring awakening.

somedays i forget what a nerd i can be.

today in class/"work", a girl realized it's the last day of july, which means it's...

harry potter's birthday!

"i'm gonna bake a cake!"

i said.

really? really? you're gonna bake a cake for a fictional character.

no, i'll bake it for me (and my family who will help me eat it)

in honor of a fictional character.

hell yes.

don't get the wrong idea. good books, sure. the sixth movie, that's out now, is wonderful. a huge smile was spread across my face the whole time i was watching it (you know, except when smiling was inappropriate).

actually, hp was just a good excuse. i've been wanting to bake something for, well, several days now, which is a difficult inclination to not feel guilty about pursuing when the surprisingly-not-too-hot-but-not-like-cool-either days of summer are upon us chicagoans. i feel bad about heating the house. but i got home and found the awesome vegan chocolate cake recipe that i used for my mom's birthday and baked it up quick while no one was around to protest 350 degrees.

and it was good.

and all were pleased.

and no one said,

"shit, this kitchen is hot."

they opened the front door and said,

"oh em, what did you make?"

this. i made this:

and it was good.

is college a good idea?

fuuuuuck.

i have to get out of here

this family

this house

this life.

the city is alright.

yelling is alright.

everything else is not.

i have to get out and into the chanel-bag-toting arms of my new bffl, no no, "roomie", jan.

summer wardrobe expansion: garment #3

one night, i thought to myself, i should use up this left over fabric. but what should i make? i don't have enough of any of them to make a whole thing on their own. oh okay, i'll use all of them together and make a blouse! a colorful sleeveless circus blouse!

(yep, it's the same pattern as s.w.e.#2, but with some modifications.)

front.

left side.

back.

summer wardrobe expansion: garment #2.

so until i sort of happened to get a "job" this summer, i was planning on whiling away the hours at my sewing machine making all sorts of garments that i've been dreaming about. and them i got a apprenticeship job that requires me to go downtown five days a week, so i'm not sewing as much. bummer.

but

i am still sewing!

so here is the start of a summer-long showcase of the clothing i have made this summer.

but, you ask yourself, the title says #2. is this the second garment?

well, yes, it is. i don't have a decent picture of the first garment i made this summer yet, so that will come later.

always feel free to give feedback and suggestions.

one hot morning i woke up and was displeased with my selection of sleeveless shirts. so i went digging through my patterns and found a really old one. i'd guess it was from around 1970 by the styling of the women on the from. the pattern boasted "ONLY TWO EASY MAIN PATTERN PIECES" so i opened it up and cut it out of some fabric i'd stolen from school. actually, i think i'd stolen the pattern, too, so the bias tape was the only thing that i technically bought, and that was just made from leftover scrap. so two hours and $0 later i had a new shirt! mostly i was just proud of how quickly i made it. i don't really like how it looks very much, i'm not a baby pink kind of person and while i love gingham, this gingham print is tiny and not obvious. also i think it looks a little smock-like. and the darts don't fit right.

whatever!

the tea party in the mud puddle.

hot tea. finishing up my first draft of my one act.

it could be worse. it could be a lie. it's a little contrived (but that's theatre), but honest.

so much so that i am both nervous and really excited to read it in class/"work".

really excited.

it's very much a first draft. and that's fine. i don't have words for the re-writes tonight. i don't have the verbage to express my thoughts all at once. fine. FINE.

modern lo-fi garage pop written about loving girls and boys plays through my computer and scores my thoughts and bike rides. i feel kind of giddy and passionate and mopey all at once, which, trust me, is an odd combination. it makes me want to love. and roll around in dirt.

hello, jan.

today, just now, i figured out how to get into my college e-mail account.

yesterday i learned my roommate's name and the dorm we're in.

she has a very wealthy-sounding name.

that's all i have to say about that.

a hello from my new best friend (we'll see)

was waiting for me in the new inbox,

along with about twenty-five other unread messages.

for now, i'm going to call my new roommate jan.

her e-mail read:

Hi! Looks like I'm your new roomie :)

I've been looking around and I think we lucked out with ---- House (besides the long trek to campus each morning). I keep hearing the words "humongous doubles," so I'm pretty psyched.

With the kitchens and all, there doesn't seem to be any need for the who brings the fridge discussion, so I just wanted to say hello!

-Jan

now, i think i'll dissect it.

i'm not a fan of emotocons. i hate them. a lot.

but i have to accept them as a fact of the internet, for many people.

so i forgive her.

i don't know where she got the info about our dorm, but then, i've been pretty far removed from the college thing, believing (naively) "i'll just figure it out when i get there." probably stupid.

i like the reference to the "who brings the fridge discussion." that's funny. cute. okay she has a sense of humor. phew.

dissection finished. there wasn't much there.

so i wrote back did she prefer to be called by the shorter version of her name (because her name isn't really jan, it's longer), which i realized was stupid, because if she preferred it then she would have signed her name that way. idiot. (me, not her.) and i said i was pleased about the "humongous doubles" and the kitchen and i asked her where she is from. i wonder if she's written back yet.

oh god.

she has.

oh.

remember when i said her name sounded rich?

"I've lived in New Jersey my whole life. I went to prep school in NJ the last few years so I stayed there a lot of the time..."

i thought "prep school" was a made-up term.

i don't even know what a prep school actually is.

hey, jan,

i went to a public high school.

we were underfunded and when we had money we spent it on stupid things.

there were more black kids than white kids.

there were as many latino kids as white kids.

i wouldn't really want to spend time alone at night in the neighborhood my school was in.

most of the kids at my school would be considered "middle class." some "upper" and some "lower."

my family is very much middle class.

i am not getting enough financial aid to make paying for college easy.

emma, STOP IT.

suddenly,

you are the far more prejudiced one.

no, no, don't argue.

you're being totally rude and awful to sweet jan.

there is nothing NOTHING wrong or rude or anything with what she has written to you.

sorry, jan, would you please excuse us?

emma just needs to go to the bathroom.

she's feeling fine, we just need to take a break and talk.

no, no, we'll be fine.

i think someone just slipped a little "hater-ade" into her orange soda.

what the hell?

in your first e-mail to jan you wrote "suddenly, as a result of reading this e-mail from you (currently, a stranger), i'm feeling all fluttery. like, gosh, i now have a person to look forward to meeting, as well as a school."

and that was true.

yes, it was.

you two will get along great just stop. all. this. utter. fucking. nonsense.

now can you go back out and talk to jan?

let me see you nod.

good.

when we pass by the drinks, why don't you grab her another orange soda, okay?

see, you guys even share the same favorite kind of pop.

oh she's fine now, jan.

here, we brought you another pop.

you're welcome.

we'll be friends. i'll be nice. i promise. i want friends. i want to be friends with my roommate. i want us to have dorm room dance parties and new york city adventures.

goodnight jan.

i hope you sleep well.

i'll see you in the morning.